So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
