the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
