I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
