two words: eviction party
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
