i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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