Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
