Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
