I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
