she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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