then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
