Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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