I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
