I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize