she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
