He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
