Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize