Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
