Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
