Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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