My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
