I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize