party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize