I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
