He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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