I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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