She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
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