i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
