I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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