Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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