and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
