Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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