i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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