The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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