ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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