just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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