sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
