I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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