Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
