You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I have post one night stand depression
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