Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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