im gay
i know
yea but for you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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