i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
