You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
