so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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