Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
