I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize