You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
