I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
