you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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