STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
