We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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