guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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