you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I deserve this hangover.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
