I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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