I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
