i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize