Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
