Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
