I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Everyone says I win the strip club
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
