I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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