Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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