I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
