No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Randomize
