I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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