So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
