I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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