I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
