alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
