i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
