I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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