They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
